Another string of messages came through today, another ride I had to miss. I knew which of you went, and I can imagine how fun the ride was. But, as I woke up tired this morning, as I have all summer, I got to thinking about riding and the team and realized how far removed I am right now. I thought I would write about it.
Amazing all the intention I had surrounding this season, and how quickly that was muffled by the work I have at school. For the first time in my 4 years at Five Branches, I'm realizing the responsibility and demand of having a full patient load. Years ago when I was working I remember thinking how long the weeks were, then I started grad school and thought, "wow, this is so much harder!" Now, amazingly I look back at a simple class load and again think, "wow, this is way harder still." But, I'm not sure you all actually know what I do there, or why I seem to never show up to rides anymore. Dusty has an idea, and Maia surly can relate. I see about 21 patients per week (5-6/day), and they have varied so much in the recent weeks in ways I never imagined. Finally this past week confirmed my role as a primary care provider, which means for a lot of people that I may be the only medical attention they see...ever, and which for me requires an amazing amount of attention. Two days ago I saw a 2 month old baby, and all at once felt as scared and inexperienced as I did the first day I started there 4 years ago. The day before that my first patient, an elderly woman, admitted that the night before she had felt short of breath and some pain in her chest. I took her blood pressure only to find her just 10mmHg from hypertensive crisis. I sent her to the emergency room immediately and after working through the paperwork and other patients for hours I slumped down and sighed, finally able to reflect on the day. I am lucky if I get to eat dinner by 9pm, and even more lucky if I can finish the homework for my 2 other classes.
Between patients, and during lunch breaks I dream of riding. I run through the LiveWire in my head and visualize virtual pivot point suspension, single speed hubs and carbon fiber frames. I scheme plans for races I would only hope to attend with each and every member of Miracle Racing, just to find myself around a campfire or at a trailhead with my best of friends, ready as always to enjoy every moment as fully as the last. When I get home I see a fleeting glimpse of energy to go ride, but rarely have the daylight to follow through. Downieville marked, for me, what happens when you try to push too much and too hard. I started getting hints about this as far back as the Sea Otter, but failed to listen. Luckily I got through that day without seriously hurting myself. I'm not sure if I actually thanked Zach well enough for what he did for me out there. Without him, well, It might not have been good. I have a very fuzzy image in my head of the team as I greeted you all after I finally crossed the line. You were all seated on a curb, and your faces were covered in dirt. I felt amazing comfort in seeing you all then. Thank you.
For the next six months, I'm afraid this trend must continue. My commitment to my patients grows as they become my regular patients, and I will soon be in the throws of studying for board exams. I have 5 national board exams before the years is out and the big California boards in mid February. That will be the capstone of all the work I have done thus far. My last day of classes will be on December 19th, and my graduation likely the next day. At that point you will watch me emerge, and I will join you all on the trails more regularly again. Thanks for bearing with me! I can't wait to hit the trails at Northstar this weekend!!
Between patients, and during lunch breaks I dream of riding. I run through the LiveWire in my head and visualize virtual pivot point suspension, single speed hubs and carbon fiber frames. I scheme plans for races I would only hope to attend with each and every member of Miracle Racing, just to find myself around a campfire or at a trailhead with my best of friends, ready as always to enjoy every moment as fully as the last. When I get home I see a fleeting glimpse of energy to go ride, but rarely have the daylight to follow through. Downieville marked, for me, what happens when you try to push too much and too hard. I started getting hints about this as far back as the Sea Otter, but failed to listen. Luckily I got through that day without seriously hurting myself. I'm not sure if I actually thanked Zach well enough for what he did for me out there. Without him, well, It might not have been good. I have a very fuzzy image in my head of the team as I greeted you all after I finally crossed the line. You were all seated on a curb, and your faces were covered in dirt. I felt amazing comfort in seeing you all then. Thank you.
For the next six months, I'm afraid this trend must continue. My commitment to my patients grows as they become my regular patients, and I will soon be in the throws of studying for board exams. I have 5 national board exams before the years is out and the big California boards in mid February. That will be the capstone of all the work I have done thus far. My last day of classes will be on December 19th, and my graduation likely the next day. At that point you will watch me emerge, and I will join you all on the trails more regularly again. Thanks for bearing with me! I can't wait to hit the trails at Northstar this weekend!!
